The Psychology of Wellbeing

And Some Will Die: Risk and Reality on the Road

by Jeremy McCarthy on 31. Aug, 2010 in Facts of Life

This weekend is a holiday weekend. Millions of families will pile into their cars to spend a few days away relaxing, sight-seeing, or celebrating. And some will crash . . . and some will die. This is a sobering thought, inspired by one of the most disturbing videos I have ever seen (see disclosure below before clicking this link.) The video is a compilation of clips, both real and enacted, showing some of the most horrific and violent car accidents you could possibly imagine. The makers of this video clearly wanted to “shock and awe” their viewers into driving more carefully.

Note: I thought about embedding the video at the top of this post. But due to its graphic nature, I decided to simply include a link. Consider it rated NC-17 for graphic violence. You have been warned. If you have the stomach for it, go ahead and watch it. Actually, I recommend you do.

Although the video was deeply disturbing, I was glad I watched it. The effect of having these gruesome images seared into my mind is a greater sense of caution and awareness when I am on the road. I even posted it on my facebook page (much to the surprise of my facebook friends who are used to more uplifting content on my page.) It reminded me to slow down and have a greater sense of responsibility for my actions on the road, and I hoped that it would do the same for the millions of other drivers out there.

Driving recklessly is one of those infractions that is rarely enforced (i.e. people don’t get caught) and not severely punished (i.e. fines and penalties do not match the potential harm that can be caused by the crime.) The risk of an accident is typically much higher than people realize, and even a small fender bender with no injuries can create a traffic jam that causes misery for a large number of people (not to mention tying up law enforcement and rescue resources and increasing the risk of further accidents.)

But people are not thinking about the risk of accidents when they are driving. They are thinking about where they need to be and how they can get their more quickly. And psychology has discovered that when people do think about risk, they don’t really think about it in any kind of a logical way. The best example of this is peoples’ irrational fears of plane crashes and shark attacks. Many people are afraid to get on an airplane but don’t think twice about spending every day zipping along the freeway to get to work. In fact, the likelihood of dying in a car crash is 62 times greater than in a plane crash (and 2,178 times greater on a motorcycle.) Unfortunately, people don’t calculate their risk based on logic and statistics. They calculate it based on emotion and heuristics.

Heuristics are like little shortcuts that our minds use to solve problems. Most of the time, they help us, allowing our brain to process vast amounts of information in an efficient and effective manner. But sometimes they lead us astray. When calculating risk, we tend to use an “availability heuristic”, meaning we judge the likelihood of an event by scanning our mind for any available images or memories of the event happening. News reports of plane crashes and shark attacks are seared into our mind because of the horrific imagery associated with them, and car crashes fade into the background as a seemingly minor event. And so our mind, mistakenly, tells us that because car crashes are less horrific, they are also less likely or less dangerous than plane crashes (a.k.a. “probability neglect”.)

This irrational response to risk pervades every aspect of our society, causing us to accept as normal risks that are very likely but less horrific in our minds (such as car accidents), and yet devote huge amounts of public time, money and resources to preventing more horrific risks, even though their actual likelihood is much lower (terrorist attacks, natural disasters, etc.)

To illustrate this point, Richard Zeckhauser and Cass Sunstein of Harvard University gave this example, in a paper on “Overreaction to Fearsome Risks”:

Arguably, the most severe recent example of overreaction to a risk threat is the follow-on to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Public fears and anxieties helped to produce the Iraq War, and to private and public costs that were orders of magnitude higher than the costs of the attacks themselves. A full explanation of the Iraq War would of course have to include a number of factors, but any such explanation would point, in part, to action bias and probability neglect (p. 12).

Another implication of our approach to these kinds of risks is that the steps we take to mitigate them are often fruitless. Because our probability neglect prevents us from taking these risks seriously, we tend to reach “risk homeostasis”. So advances in technology such as airbags and anti-lock brakes, or safety regulations such as seat-belt and helmet laws, don’t actually reduce our risks of death and injury, they simply allow us to drive faster and worry less. In other words we “consume” the reduction of risk in exchange for increased speed, convenience or pleasure. (You can read a great article on the consumption of reduction of risk in the case of the Challenger space shuttle explosion by Malcolm Gladwell here—also featured in his book, “What the Dog Saw,” which I will be writing a review of in a future article.)

Did you watch the video? If so, I’m sure you can see how its creators attempted to use gore and emotion to change our behavior on the roadways. Maybe this seems excessive, or in bad taste. But maybe that is exactly what we need: graphic, violent and emotional images to help us remember how precious life is, and how dangerous an automobile is.

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References and recommended reading:

Gladwell, M. (2009). What the Dog Saw: And Other Adventures. Little, Brown and Company.

Wilde, G. J. S. (1994). Target Risk. PDE Publications.

Wilde, G. J. S. (2001). Target Risk 2: A New Psychology of Safety and Health. PDE Publications.

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Yoga, Mindfulness, and Great Sex

by Jeremy McCarthy on 24. Aug, 2010 in Fitness and Exercise, Mind-Body

Salutation (Day 78) by stephcarter

I recently read a few articles on the importance of doing exercise and yoga to improve your sex life. It is easy to imagine some of the more obvious ways: an improved flexibility allows practitioners to get into a variety of kama sutra-esque positions. An increased level of strength allows people to hold those positions for a longer period of time. An increased ability to balance allows people to explore a variety of standing positions (not to mention the possibilities of perching on top of assorted pieces of furniture throughout the house.)

While most articles on the importance of yoga and fitness for sex will emphasize the need to be physically fit and cardiovascularly sound in order to put in an adequate performance on an athletic/aerobic level, the reality is, our bodies are pretty well programmed to have sex regardless of what kind of shape we find ourselves in. One does not need superhuman strength and flexibility to have incredibly fulfilling orgasmic sex.

Physically, sex is instinctive, pre-programmed by a genetic code that has been passed down from generation to generation since the first amoebic creature divided itself in two in order to reproduce millions of years ago. But occasionally, modern humans get in their own way by overthinking things (or simply thinking the wrong things at the wrong time.)

This is where I think yoga comes in. Like other mind-body practices, yoga teaches us to practice mindfulness, a form of non-judgmental awareness. We learn to use our body, even to push our body, but to be comfortable with what our body can do without judging or analyzing. When sex becomes unsatisfying it is rarely because we don’t have the cardiovascular chops to cross the finish line. It is not because we don’t have the strength to support our partner while hanging upside down from the dining room chandelier. Our ability to achieve an erection or ability to attain orgasm is far less important than our thoughts about those abilities. More often than not, unsatisfying sex is caused by the mind.

Yoga, meditation, and other mindfulness practices help train the mind to avoid it from being easily pulled to where we don’t want it to go (like thinking about a work assignment while in the throes of physical passion). In any mindfulness practice there is a point of focus: the breath, the moment, the posture. The challenge is to learn to shift awareness to that point of focus, even when our mind wants to go elsewhere.

In the bedroom, that mental shift may be more important than one’s strength, flexibility or cardiovascular prowess. It is the ability to shift from a mind that is constantly overtaxed and multitasked with things to do, problems to resolve, and bills to pay, to a single solitary focus on loving and connecting with another human being. Sexpert Michael Castleman recently wrote about using yoga to enhance sex by reducing anxiety in his Psychology Today blog, “Want Better Sex? Do Yoga“. Physical fitness is important. But good sex comes with the ability to let go of fear, worry, and anxiety in order to experience the love, joy, and sensuality of that connection. And for those of you who are already advanced yoga practitioners . . . if you are able to hold onto your partner while hanging upside down from the dining room chandelier . . . well, that could be good too.

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References and recommended reading:

Barbieri, P. P. (1996). Confronting stress: Integrating control theory and mindfulness to cultivate our inner resources through learning mind/body health methods. Journal of reality therapy, 15(2), 3-13.

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. New York: Hyperion.

Langer, E. (2005). Mindfulness versus positive evaluation. In C. R. Snyder & S. J. Lopez (Eds.) Handbook of positive psychology. New York: Oxford.

Shusterman, R. (2006). Thinking through the body, educating for the humanities: A plea for somaesthetics. Journal of Aesthetic Education, 40, 1-21.

Weiss, A. (2004). Beginning mindfulness: Learning the way of awareness. Novato, CA: New World Library.

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Comprehensive Soldier Fitness: A Holistic Approach to Warrior Training

by Jeremy McCarthy on 17. Aug, 2010 in Mind-Body, Positive Psychology, Wellbeing in the World of Work

"U.S. Army Spc. Frank Mireles" by the U.S. Army

Comprehensive Soldier Fitness is the Army’s new training program that uses positive psychology to teach soldiers mental resilience strategies to maintain their psychological wellbeing while confronting the challenges of being separated from families, regularly facing conflict, and losing friends and colleagues.

The program, which calls for an army of “balanced, healthy, self-confident soldiers” and “improved soldier fitness and readiness,” sounds like a good plan to take care of our warriors’ mental health and to take a more holistic approach to toughening them up. But recently, the program has come under some criticism, primarily for its publicly funded price tag ($117 million as reported in the New York Times) and for ethical questions about whether or not soldiers even should be trained to be desensitized to traumatic events. Psychologist Bruce Levine recently published an article entitled, “How Psychologists Profit from Unending U.S. Wars,” (published elsewhere as “American Soldiers Brainwashed with ‘Positive Thinking’”,) condemning the program and pointing the finger at psychologists who are pocketing their fair share of the money for training 40,000 drill sergeants (who in turn will train 1.1 million U.S. soldiers.)

Some of Levine’s criticisms I agree with: “Psychologists should loudly warn politicians, military brass, and the nation that if soldiers and veterans discover that they have been deceived about the meaningfulness and necessity of their mission, it is only human for them to become more prone to emotional turmoil, which can lead to destructive behaviors for themselves and others.” In general, I am a believer that there is usually a peaceful resolution to most conflict and that the U.S. policies tend to emphasize war, rather than negotiation, cooperation and collaboration to resolve issues. So I don’t like the idea of any program designed to make war easier.

I also am not against criticizing the cost of the program, since I think most of the money we spend on our military efforts could probably be put to better use. But I question whether the blame should be levied against the psychologists rather than the Army itself. Our whole society is based on the capitalist ideals of creating services that people need and want in exchange for money. While we understand that people sell computers and cars for profit, we tend to label as greedy anyone who sells loftier services in the domains of psychological or spiritual wellbeing. I say, “hate the game, not the players.”

I have heard directly from Martin Seligman, the brains behind the program (and behind positive psychology for that matter) and Karen Reivich, the author of The Resilience Factor and one of the lead trainers for the Army workshops, and their intentions are in the right place. This program is based on the idea that reactions to traumatic events are normally distributed. This means that after experiencing a major traumatic event, a small percentage of people will experience psychological problems such as depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD,) most people will adapt and bounce back, and another percentage of people will actually learn and grow from the experience (“Post Traumatic Growth”—see Washington Post article, “From Wounds, Inner Strength”.) To me, a program designed to decrease PTSD and increase Post Traumatic Growth in our warriors seems like a worthwhile endeavor. Especially when you consider the lasting impact of PTSD on a community (see recent study, “’Path of mental illness’ follows path of war, twenty years after conflict ends.”)

In Levine’s critique of the program he asks, “How much sense does it make to teach soldiers who are trying to stay alive in a war zone to put a positive spin on everything?” Here, Levine makes the same mistake as other critics of positive psychology in that he confounds positive psychology with positive thinking—not the same things. Does it make sense to teach soldiers to be happy at all times at all costs? Absolutely not. But how much sense does it make to teach soldiers how to let go of emotional issues and traps that might be distracting them from the tasks at hand? Quite a lot actually, according to Brigadier General Rhonda Cornum who heads up the program for the Army. In a recent interview, she described the difference between a realistic response and a catastrophic response to losing a friend in battle: “Realistically, we expect that people will grieve, that they will feel anger, they will probably feel bitterness and recurring grief . . . but you can’t just stay there and replay that over and over.” Teaching soldiers techniques for managing the stress and anxiety of warfare may even be saving their lives. One recent study showed that soldiers’ reactions to stress in dangerous combat actually cause them “to dissociate from threats [in battle] instead of becoming more vigilant.”

Furthermore, the program is not just about helping soldiers deal with the severe emotional traumas they encounter on the battle field. It helps them to deal with the emotional issues surrounding their relationships, not only with their fellow soldiers, but with their families back home (some parts of the program are even being offered to family members.) Thanks to cellphones and the internet, soldiers are more connected than ever before to the people back home. And while I’m sure the soldiers appreciate this connectivity, it makes it harder than ever to remain detached and focused on their difficult job overseas. Gone are the days of soldiers carrying around a single photograph of their spouse or child, as the only reminder of their life back home. Today, they are more in touch than ever before, and there are emotional costs associated with that.

At the end of the day General Cornum is a manager of people (in one of the largest organizations in the world) and she is hoping that positive psychology training will improve performance in her workforce. Other businesses (see my articles on Zappos here and here) are doing the same. Dan Bowling, former head of HR for Coca Cola and a MAPP colleague of mine, is looking at how similar kinds of training could impact lawyers (another workforce prone to emotional issues). And I have been working on new training programs applying positive psychology to the hospitality industry (appropriate since relationships and emotional connections are so important in our business.)

On a recent phone call that Martin Seligman had with the MAPP Alumni, I asked him if there were lessons being learned from the Army training that could be applied in other organizations. “This is the second largest corporation in the world,” he said. (The first is Walmart.) “And so a program that involves training for the entire U.S. Army in which its effects on performance are being evaluated should be highly relevant to large corporations.” When so many organizations today are still not thinking about the holistic welfare of their workforce, I commend the Army for leading us into this new frontier.

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References and recommended reading:

Cornum, R. & Copeland, P. (1993). She Went to War: The Rhonda Cornum Story. Presidio Press.

Levine, B. E. (2007). Surviving America’s Depression Epidemic: How to Find Morale, Energy, and Community in a World Gone Crazy. Chelsea Green Publishing.

Reivich, K. & Shatte, A. (2003). The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to Finding Your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life’s Hurdles. Broadway Books.

Seligman, M. E. P. (2006). Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. Vintage.

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The Hospital of the Future is more like a Hotel

by Jeremy McCarthy on 10. Aug, 2010 in Mind-Body, Psychology of Spas and Wellbeing

Lobby by EDDIE-X (the Hospital San Jose de Hermosillo)

Susie Ellis from Spafinder and Susie’s Spa Blog recently wrote about her visit to tour the brand new Methodist Stone Oak Hospital that had opened in San Antonio, Texas in Spring of 2009. The hospital has apparently declared itself the “hospital of the future” featuring state of the art design and architecture, accompanied by a level of service that goes above and beyond what one typically finds in health care.

Here is an excerpt of what Susie experienced on the tour from her blog:

We were dropped off in a circular drive and had there been a valet to open the door and ask about luggage, I might have thought I was entering a hotel. The lobby did feel more hotel-like than hospital. There were huge ceilings with windows top to bottom. It was light, with attractive lounge areas that were tastefully and expensively appointed and straight ahead of me two concierge areas. Also, some nice art.

It is exciting to see hospitals being built following some of the principles of hotel design and service. Traditionally, hospitals were built for function and not for comfort, and little thought was put in to how the environment might make a patient feel. The emphasis has been on providing the necessary equipment and facilities to adequately treat the physical ailments of the patient in a hygienic way. Unfortunately, while hygiene is important to the physical health of their patients, the cold sterile environment usually makes a visit to a hospital even less enjoyable than it needs to be.

Hotels on the other hand have a totally different design approach. Their goal is to reach far beyond the functional aspects of providing a place for their guests to sleep. They hope to use their designs to evoke an emotion and elicit certain feelings from their guests. Lighting, artwork, comfortable furniture, and even fragrances help to contribute to just the right ambience that the hotel is trying to create. Some will argue that these are all the trappings of luxury and have no place in a health care setting where the importance rests on the scientific validity and measurable outcomes of medical interventions, not on indulging clients with overstuffed furniture to make them feel at home.

But research is beginning to show us that our physical health is not independent from our mental state and mood. Hospital environments that create anxiety may be counterproductive to the healing that takes place there. And conversely, hospital experiences that are welcoming, inviting and put people at ease might not only convince people to get the care they need, but also make their body more receptive to the care being administered (see my article and video on “In Defense of Pampering.”)

The Methodist Stone Oak Hospital is right when they describe themselves as the “hospital of the future”. Most new hospital developments seem to be borrowing from the spa and hotel design manuals. And since, patients often have a choice in where they receive their care, creating facilities that make healing more enjoyable means more dollars in the hospitals’ coffers. You can read other blogs on the subject here, here and here. Recently, a study was done in Japan to look at how applying hotel design principles to hospital settings could improve patient experiences.

It makes sense that hospitals and hotels would have some elements in common. The word hospital comes from the Latin “hospes” meaning “host”, the same root used in “hospitality”, “hostel” and “hotel” (from MedicineNet.com). And the similarities don’t end once the hospital is designed. It can also translate into better customer service and a new way of taking care of patients. Here is one more excerpt from Susie Ellis:

The hospital was impressive for many reasons but it wasn’t the physical aspects that impressed me the most. Rather, it was the kindness, caring and even lighthearted atmosphere that was created by the people who worked there. In my opinion their greatest move was to carefully select staff with exactly the qualities they wanted – flexibility, likability, caring and nurturing. This hospital had the luxury to be selective because so many people want to work there.

Stories like these hold great promise for the future of health care. Hospitals are supposed to be centers for healing and recovery. Today, we look forward to going to a spa or a hotel or a resort, but we dread visiting the hospital. As a society we need more healing institutions that we can look forward to visiting, knowing that we will be well taken care of and we will leave feeling better than we did when we arrived.

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VIDEO: In Defense of Pampering (and other Spa Silliness)

by Jeremy McCarthy on 03. Aug, 2010 in Parenting and Wellbeing, Positive Psychology, Psychology of Spas and Wellbeing

In Defense of Pampering from Jeremy McCarthy on Vimeo.

Because I am currently on vacation in France and celebrating my grandparents’ (in-law) 70^th wedding anniversary (an occasion which warrants a blog article in and of itself!) in place of my regular weekly column, I am sharing a link to a video of the speech that I gave at the New York Spa Alliance (NYSPA) annual symposium (see the SpaTrade blog here, and my blog on the session here). For those of you who happen to be members of the International Spa Association, you will also see an article by me on the topic of pampering in the next issue of Pulse Magazine. I am glad to see the positive response to pampering I have received from these articles although I know there are still those who argue that spas will not be taken seriously unless they tone down the pampering.

By the way, the beginning of the video is cut off, but I start out by introducing (a picture of) my son, Dylan who was born just a few days before I gave the talk. Pampering continues to be a big part of his life. In fact, I can remember before he was born when I saw parents making silly faces and talking baby talk to their infant children, I swore I would never do that. I thought I would just model more “grownup” behavior and my kids would learn from that. Now I realize that nothing makes my son happier than when I make a fool of myself by babbling like an idiot and making funny faces and noises . . . and so I do it all the time.

I guess my point is that maybe spas should not try so hard to be taken seriously. Being silly can be an important part of wellness as well. There are only two times when I can remember laughing hysterically in a spa, but they are two of my most memorable spa experiences ever. The first was during a treatment called Hydro Rush at the Kohler Waters Spa in Wisconsin. At one part of the treatment the therapist took a bucket and alternated plunging it into hot and cold tubs and dousing it vigorously over my entire body. It was so much fun, I felt like I was in a water park rather than a spa and I couldn’t stop from cracking up. The second was at a Fish Reflexology spa on Sentosa Island in Singapore. You know the places where the fish eat the dead skin off of your feet? Combine the ridiculousness of the situation with ticklish feet, and you have a recipe for hysterical laughter. Could these be classified as “authentic healing experiences?” I’m not so sure. But did I feel good after leaving these spas? You betcha. Maybe laughter is the best medicine after all.

I hope you enjoy the video . . . the sound quality is horrible (some byproduct of my amateur video conversion and uploading techniques) so I apologize for that. And if you have any stories to share about your pampering (or just plain silly) spa experiences, I’d love to hear them.

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Positive Psychology for New Parents: 5 Tips

by Jeremy McCarthy on 27. Jul, 2010 in Facts of Life, Parenting and Wellbeing, Positive Psychology

Note: this article was originally published on Positive Psychology News Daily on July 27, 2010.

She Loves Dad by Stephen Poff

As a new parent, I can tell you that there seems to be a surprising lack of guidance from science about how to have (and raise) a child. Since Catherine and I first learned we were expecting, the biggest piece of advice we have received from friends has been, “don’t listen to advice,” referencing the fact that every child is different and opinions vary wildly about what does (or doesn’t) help a tiny infant grow into a flourishing and successful adult.

From a scientific perspective the problems are threefold. First, there is the age-old debate of nature vs. nurture. It is difficult to know how much of whom we become is due to our upbringing versus how much is due to our genetic makeup. Traditionally, we like to take credit for all of our good qualities, and blame our parents for all the ways we are screwed up. In reality, the credit and the blame are not so easy to distribute. Second, once we accept that the environment plays an important role in human development, the number of environmental factors that bring us from infancy to adulthood is so great that it is difficult to determine the impact of any one of them in isolation. And finally, for ethical reasons, it is difficult to do a placebo controlled experiment since we don’t want to deny children anything that could help them with their positive growth.

So like millions of parents before us, my wife and I had to muddle our way through the miracle of childbirth on our own. Most of the books that are out there on pregnancy and childbirth (and I read many preparing for the birth of our son) seem to concern themselves with two things: either reassuring you that everything is going to be OK and that everything you are experiencing is normal; or providing you a list of all of the things that could possibly go wrong and what needs to be done to insure that they don’t. What is missing from the literature is the positive side of the equation: What should we do when everything is going OK to make it even better? There are books on preventing marital discord, coping with complications, and care and feeding of infants. But how do you grow closer as a couple when you’re already close, have a great birthing experience when the complications are few, and set your newborn on the pathway to a lifetime of flourishing?

Having just had my first child, I am far from an expert on the subject, but since no one has written the book on “positive psychology for new parents” (yet), I’ll simply share with you the things from my own experience and my own studies of positive psychology that we found useful as we went through our pregnancy:

1. Future Time Perspective: Nothing can jolt you into a future time perspective like learning that you are about to have a child. The good news is research suggests that a future time perspective can be healthy, since thinking of the future is what motivates us to do what we need to do today to create the future we most desire. When you are about to embark on the voyage of parenthood, it’s a good time to think about how you see yourself as a parent, and what kind of children you want to raise. We spent many nights, up late (the “up late” part is not recommended since sleep becomes vital, but hey, it happens,) imagining our life as a family and discussing everything from how we would get our son to eat his vegetables to where we thought he might go to college.

2. Mindfulness: Future time perspective can become unhealthy when you become so obsessed with planning for the future that you are not enjoying the present. When a new child comes there is much to prepare, plan, and work for. A parent naturally wants to spend their time and energy helping their child to grow into a better future. But sometimes that can be best achieved by just enjoying these amazing moments as they happen. Going through a pregnancy and then a birth are some of the most incredible experiences of life. It is important to savor them as they come. Mindfulness training can help to relieve the anxieties of pregnancy and birth and can help parents to remain calm when sleep is limited once the baby arrives. Mindfulness helped us to bring our awareness back to the present, after too much daydreaming about our son’s illustrious future.

3. Gratitude: There are lots of things to worry about during a pregnancy. But there are lots of things to appreciate too. This is a good time to practice expressing gratitude to your partner every day for the things you appreciate most. Practicing gratitude will help you to savor these special moments, but also will keep you close as a couple during times when fluctuations in sex drive, mood, and body image can allow insecurities to creep in. During the pregnancy, we got into the habit of expressing gratitude to each other each night before we went to bed, and sending short gratitude notes to each other during the day. This definitely brought us together, not only as a couple, but as a family.

4. Other people matter: It takes a village to raise a child. Now is the time to reach out to family and connect with other friends who are having children. We found that having our son opened our eyes to a whole new community of parents that we loved becoming a part of. This is also a good time to renew your romantic commitment to your partner. When, decades from now, your child grows up and moves out on his or her own, will the two of you still be together? What will that relationship look like? Catherine and I have vowed to hold our own relationship as sacred, even as we form new bonds of love with our son.

5. Realistic optimism: Labor and childbirth can be painful—a fact of life that I discussed in great detail in my Psychology of Wellbeing article, “Why is Childbirth so Freakin’ Painful?” If someone is pessimistic, it is easy to learn about all of the things that can go wrong and begin to dwell on them. Labor is stressful enough without letting our ruminations make it even worse. But optimism has its downside too. An optimist who expects labor to be easy or “according to plan” is setting themselves up for a lot of frustration and disappointment. As a labor coach, I felt my job was to define reality and give hope. “This is going to be hard, and anything could happen, but you are going to get through it, and it is going to be worth it in the end.”

By writing this article, I turn this list over to the positive psychology community and my community of readers. What else would you add? What applications from the research have you yourself applied? What would you suggest to new parents? If positive psychology is to concern itself with human flourishing, then it seems only natural that it would need to follow that quest all the way to the origins of life itself. Where does flourishing begin if not in the womb?

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References and recommended reading:

Bryant, F. B. & Veroff, J. (2006). Savoring: A New Model of Positive Experience. Lawrence Erbaum Associates.

Emmons, R. (2007). Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Gottman, J. and Gottman, J. S. (2008). And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives. Three Rivers Press.

Murkoff, H. & Mazel, S. (2008). What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Workman Publishing Company.

Nahn, T. H. (1992). Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life. Bantam.

Shelov, S. P. & Altmann, T. R. (Eds., 2009). Caring for Your Baby and Young Child. Bantam Books (American Academy of Pediatrics).

Zimbardo, P. & Boyd, J. (2009). The Time Paradox: The New Psychology of Time That Will Change Your Life. Free Press.

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Welcome to the Club

by Jeremy McCarthy on 20. Jul, 2010 in Facts of Life, Parenting and Wellbeing, Positive Psychology

Ruth Bond, Seth and Ben Miller, Aidan and Tim Goldstein, and Clem Tillier with Leah and Sam Tillier, Bernal Heights Parents by Thomas Hawk.

Parental Community by Thomas Hawk

One of my favorite parts of being a new parent is the sense of camaraderie and bonding that I experience now with other parents. Prior to being a parent, I really didn’t “get it” and didn’t respect the immense impact of such a miraculous life event. Even when close friends have had children, I couldn’t reach out to them in the way that I now wish I had, because I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

But now that I am a parent, it’s a whole new world. I find myself connecting regularly with strangers just based on the shared experience of having gone through the birth of a child. Anywhere I go with the baby in the stroller I have an instant bond with anyone else I happen to run into with a stroller. When I run into another parent with an infant child, one of us will surely say hello and we will likely have a brief conversation about our babies (“Boy or girl?” How old? How is he sleeping?”) Should circumstances allow for more than a brief exchange, we might get into deeper conversations covering everything from diapers and baby bottles to our future hopes and dreams for our children.

The sense of community also extends to parents of older children—even full grown children. “It keeps getting better,” they will tell me, or “cherish these moments—they go by so quickly.” Or maybe they will just smile and nod with a look that says, “Been there, done that—I know what you’re going through.” It’s like I’ve become a member of an enormous elite club. One that always existed right under my nose, but I couldn’t access it because I didn’t know the secret handshake.

This sense of community reminds me of other “clubs” that I have belonged to, like when I’m wearing a sweatshirt from my alma mater (UC Santa Barbara) and a passerby yells “go Gauchos!” Or when I pull up at a stoplight next to another car in Westchester County, over an hour away from the ocean, and we both have surfboards strapped to our roofs. Or when I used to live on Maui and drive my Jeep Wrangler around the small island. Other Jeep owners would flash their lights and wave and laugh, like we were in on a joke that the rest of the world couldn’t get while boxed into their sedans and SUV’s. As a Jeep owner, I knew that I had something in common with other Jeep owners—a love of the outdoors and a passion for living life to the fullest.

Sometimes, world events bring about a similar sense of community. Walking around New York City in the days following September 11, 2001, I felt a kinship from everyone else in the city that you would not normally expect from New Yorkers based on their (our) reputation. Recently, soccer fans the world over experienced a sense of community as they huddled around TV sets everywhere to root for their favorite teams in the World Cup. Nowhere was that community felt more deeply than in South Africa, where the games were held (also see “Happiness in Wake of the World Cup” from the New York Times.)

There is value in these kinds of exchanges. They infuse participants with positive emotions and give a transcendent feeling of being connected to something larger–the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. By drawing attention to areas where we share common interests and beliefs, we have more understanding, peace, and happiness in the world. Imagine the infinite numbers of different kinds of “community” that bring people together into diverse networks of interconnectedness.

What clubs are you a member of? How do you contribute to the different communities that you are a part of? And what do you get back in return? How can we create more feelings of community in the world to bring people closer together in spite of our differences? As a reader of my blog, you are already an important part of my community. Welcome to the club.

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References and recommended reading:

Putnam, R. D. (2001). Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. Simon and Schuster.

Putnam, R. D., Feldstein, L., Cohen, D. J. (2004). Better Together: Restoring the American Community. Simon and Schuster.

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The Psychology of Time

by Jeremy McCarthy on 13. Jul, 2010 in Book Reviews, Positive Psychology, Psychology of Spas and Wellbeing

Time Spiral by gadl

Time. It may be our most valuable resource for without it, nothing else matters. It also may be the resource we most take for granted, squandering it foolishly by watching re-runs of American Idol or whiling away the hours in a job that brings no meaning or satisfaction. Our relationship with time permeates every aspect of life and culture: how we live, how we work and how we relate to each other.

In “A Geography of Time” Robert Levine explores the dimension of time in a way that will make you think twice every time you look at a clock. He reveals the history of our relationship with time and how it has evolved through the centuries. Although it is hard to imagine a life without clocks, the culture of living by timepieces is relatively new. For most of history, man relied on natural cues to plan or schedule events (if they even deigned it necessary to plan or schedule at all.)

Ironically, as technology has helped us to get better and better at measuring and understanding time, rather than becoming its master, we have become its slave. Although we have grown in financial wealth, technological advancement, and scientific knowledge, we are more time impoverished than ever before. Levine points out that the wealthier a nation becomes, the less time they seem to have. What is the point of accumulating wealth if it does not give us more control over our time? Why does technology seem to eat up our time rather than giving us more back?

These are important questions since our relationship with time seems to be an essential ingredient in the study of human flourishing. It is more complex than simply focusing on the present moment (see my article on “The Power of Before and After” from Organic Spa Magazine). Psychologists have shown that people with a greater awareness and consideration of the future are more likely to make lifestyle choices that lead to greater health, success and well-being (Zimbardo & Boyd, 2008). Recent studies have also shown that people who mentally transport themselves to another time, either imagining a positive future (Quoidbach, Wood, & Hansenne, 2009) or replaying events from the past (Vitterso, Overwien, & Martinsen, 2009) can improve their feelings of pleasure and well-being.

One of my favorite research studies, highlighted in Ellen Langer’s new book, “Counterclockwise: Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility” (2009) had participants transport themselves back in time and “live as if” they were twenty years younger. After a couple weeks of immersing themselves in their past, the participants showed actual signs of rejuvenation. By manipulating their thoughts about time, they were able to change their health and well-being. I call it the “Cocoon effect”.

In my work in the spa industry, I have come to believe that these elements of time are an important part of the spa experience. What gives greater benefit: The therapeutic experience of a massage or other spa treatment? Or simply the act of slowing down and taking an hour or two to relax and participate in your own well-being? I have my theories . . . what are yours?

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References and recommended reading:

Boniwell I., & Zimbardo, P. G. (2004). Balancing time perspective in pursuit of optimal functioning. In P. A. Linley & S. Joseph (Eds.) Positive Psychology in Practice. Hoboken, NJ: Wiley & Sons.

Langer, E. (2005). Mindfulness versus positive evaluation. In C. R. Snyder & S. J. Lopez (Eds.) Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology. New York: Oxford.

Langer, E. (2009). Counterclockwise: Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility. New York: Ballantine Books.

Quoidbach, J., Wood, A., & Hansenne, M. (2009). Back to the future: The effect of daily practice of mental time travel into the future on happiness and anxiety. The journal of positive psychology, 4(5), 349-355.

Vitterso, J., Overwien, P. & Martinsen, E. (2009). Pleasure and interest are differentially affected by replaying versus analyzing a happy life moment. The journal of positive psychology, 4(1), 14-20.

Zimbardo, P. & Boyd (2008). The Time Paradox: The New Psychology of Time That Will Change Your Life. New York: Free Press.

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The Yin and Yang of Intensity and Rest

by Jeremy McCarthy on 06. Jul, 2010 in Fitness and Exercise, Mind-Body

Mike Mentzer is a former Mr. Universe who had unique theories about strength training and bodybuilding. He was an extreme proponent of “High Intensity Training,” meaning he recommended short, very intense bouts of exercise followed by lots and lots of rest. Many years ago, reading his books and articles completely transformed the way I looked at weight training (see “High-Intensity Training the Mike Mentzer Way”). To this day, my workouts are typically very short and very intense based on Mentzer’s philosophy.

Perhaps one of the most important aspects of his training method is the belief in the value of rest. I remember in one of his books, he told the story of inviting several of the world’s top bodybuilders to his home for a “training camp.” Although these were all elite athletes who had “maxed out” in size, he promised them that if they spent a few days with him, their muscles would grow even more. Most accepted the invitation but were skeptical that they would see any results since they had already been training as hard as they possibly could and had all reached plateaus that they simply could not pass.

When the day arrived, they all showed up at Mentzer’s house wondering what kind of intense program he had in store that would get all of these bodybuilders, already in peak condition, to get even bigger. To their surprise, Mentzer did not lead them to the gym, and did not push them to do any exercises whatsoever. He told them to rest. For three days, he told them to relax, lie by the pool, eat some good, healthy food, and just enjoy a break from training. Mentzer’s theory was that every bodybuilder there was overtrained. And after three days of rest, every single one of them had an increase in their muscle measurements.

The principles of Mike Mentzer’s High Intensity Training, don’t apply only to bodybuilding. There is a balance of challenge and rest that is required for growth and development in just about every area. The problem is, like those overtrained bodybuilders, we typically understand the need for challenge, and forget about the need for rest. I am no different. I believe so much that hard work leads to success, persistence will pay off, effort is the key to reward, that I often forget the need for rest, recovery and rebuilding. I love to challenge myself, but it is hard for me to truly rest without feeling like I’m wasting my time.

In yoga, the period of rest at the end of a workout is called “Shavasana”. Usually a few minutes at the end of every class is reserved for this rest period, lying in “corpse pose” to allow the body to recover and rejuvenate from the workout. It is not my natural tendency to enjoy this part of the class. When the teacher calls for Shavasana, my first reaction is to gauge my distance from the door and wonder if I could grab my shoes and sneak out before anyone notices. But once I do reluctantly settle into the floor and relax into corpse, I’m usually glad I did. The peace and clarity that I feel when my workout ends like this, is far greater than it is when I jump up from my last downward dog and scurry out the back of the room like a shoe burglar in the night.

The importance of rest applies to every domain. One Swedish study on well-being found that psychological stress and musculoskeletal injuries were both more likely to be caused by a lack of rest than by the amount of workload. So how does “resting” fit into your workout plan, your career path, and your personal development? Think about the areas where you really challenge yourself and ask yourself if you have been pushing too hard. What would happen if you gave yourself a break? Try it. Take a few days off. You might be surprised at how much you grow.

References and Recommended Reading:

Honore, C. (2005). In Praise of Slow: How a Worldwide Movement is Challenging the Cult of Speed. Orion.

Loehr, J. & Schwartz, T. (2004). The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal. New York: Free Press.

Lundberg, U. (2003). Psychological stress and musculoskeletal disorders: psychobiological mechanisms. Lack of rest and recovery greater problem than workload, in Lakartidningen, 100(21): 1892-5. [abstract]

Mentzer, M. & Little, J. (2002). High-Intensity Training the Mike Mentzer Way. New York: McGraw-Hill.

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Positive Psychology or Positive Thinking–Science and Possibility Part 2

by Jeremy McCarthy on 29. Jun, 2010 in Positive Psychology

The Microcope Book by Orin Zebest

Last week, I wrote about selecting a book for my mother-in-law who was visiting from France (btw, this has nothing to do with this post, but mother-in-law in France is known as the “belle mere” or “beautiful mother.” This is so much nicer than calling her an “in-law” which is like saying, “she’s only my mother because of a legal contract.”) Anyway, my “beautiful mother” was trying to choose between 1. “The How of Happiness” by Sonja Lyubomirsky, 2. “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin, and 3. “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.

You can read about my recommendations here, but this week I wanted to clarify what I meant when I said that really only one of these books (Lyubomirsky’s “The How of Happiness”) is truly “positive psychology.” Many people think positive psychology and “positive thinking” or “self help” are the same thing. But in fact, positive psychology is an actual science, based on actual research, by actual scientists. Sonja Lyubomirsky, for example, is a psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University of California in Riverside who has spent her career doing randomized placebo controlled trial experiments to better understand the benefits of happiness, why some people are happier than others, and what people can do to get more happiness in their lives. In most book stores, her book is probably plopped down in the “self-help” section, with no way for the average consumer to realize that unlike the rest of the books, hers is evidence based with research to support her recommendations.

Another example of this is Caroline Miller’s book on goals, “Creating Your Best Life.” There are tons of books on goal setting, finding your life purpose, and productivity, but Caroline is a MAPP (Master of Applied Positive Psychology) and her book is based on psychological research on goal theory, self-efficacy, mindset, and much more. Being based on research means that the theories have been tested and found to have a statistically significant positive impact.

In last weeks blog, I argued that science and research are not the only ways to learn and the value of a book should not be solely based on how immersed it is in scientifically validated information. Most people don’t realize that science rarely proves anything. Most research is based on testing “null hypotheses” (i.e. scientifically validated interventions are not proven, but they haven’t been disproven yet.) But language is important. And people need to understand the difference between the science of positive psychology and the culture of positive thinking.

If you are looking for advice (which presumably is what people are looking for in the self-help section of the book store,) it is good to know which theories have been tested and which ones haven’t. To give an example, if someone told you that you could flap your arms really hard and fly off of the Brooklyn Bridge, you might want to find out what research has been done before you decide to test it out yourself. If the advice is bad, the results could be fatal. On the other hand, if someone tells you picking up a penny brings good luck, it might be worth picking one up if you see one. There is nothing to lose and in fact, worst case scenario, you’re still up a cent.

We can learn from various sources, but it is important to understand what those sources are, where the information is coming from, and what the motivations behind it are. And when it comes to getting advice, we should use scientific inquiry to evaluate the possible risks and rewards associated with it. We shouldn’t close ourselves off to possibilities, but when evidence is available, we should heed its call to truth.

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References and recommended reading:

Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). The How of Happiness: A scientific approach to getting the life you want. New York: Penguin Press.

Miller, C. A. & Frisch, M. B. (2009), Creating Your Best Life: The Ultimate Life List Guide. New York: Sterling.

Rubin, G. (2009). The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun. New York: Harper.

Tolle, E. (1999). The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver: Namaste Publishing.

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